Oy..

I have been very negligent with my blog. It's not that I lack content, it's more a matter of time management.

So, for the past few months I have been on a modified return to work. That means I get to go to work and re-experience all those situations I know and love. For instance, on one of my first few shifts back I had the joy of dealing with the man who took an ambulance in to the hospital because he had the flu. He had chills, muscle aches, and just felt terrible. And guess what? His wife and 2 yr old son had the same thing over the weekend! Now, you ask, did they come to hospital? Oh no, just the husband. Wimp! His man card has since been revoked.

And there is the woman who had vaginal bleeding and abdominal cramping. When was her last period, you ask? 1 month prior to this episode of bleeding. Now, you might think, as I did, that perhaps this might be her period again, particularly since she insisted she was regular. Nope, she was convinced that this was not her period, although it felt like it, looked like it, and the timing was bang on. Guess what? It was in fact her period, and another chunk of the health care budget was wasted.

But today I had the privilege of meeting a true to life loser. While playing baseball today, one of my teammates pulled his hamstring. Far from the picture of health, he rolled around on the ground, moaning and carrying on. When assisted to the bench, he determined that he had pulled the muscle, and would be unable to finish the game. Fair enough, you think. This type of injury can be quite painful. So, I offed him a tensor bandage and some ice, as well as some Tylenol.
"Ohhh, he moaned, I can't bend to put it on". So, with gritted teeth I offered to apply it. I asked him to pull up the leg of his shorts, and the conversation went like this: "I caaaan't." "Yes, you can." "I caaaan't" "Yes, you can" "I caaaan't" "Yes, you can" "Oh look. You did it". Ugh! Whiny-ass baby!

Then he insists he must go to the hospital immediately. "No you don't", I said. "Yes I do" "No, you don't" "Yes, I do" "No, you don't" "Yes, I do. I have a Factor V deficiency and have to go right away" "No you don't. Keep an eye on it and if the area starts to swell or get warm and red, then get it checked. But right now, you are fine". His response? "Oh ya, my doctor says that too" Hmmmmm.

So I offer him the Tylenol and he says he'll take 8 tablets. 8! I told him under no circumstance would I give him 8 tablets. He insists he always takes 8 tablets. So I tell him again, that under no circumstance will I give him 8. "Did you know" I tell him, " that Tylenol is hepatotoxic? And that your liver produces clotting factors?" Surprise!! He did not know this little gem of info. Ugh!

But then came the kicker. "I think", he says, "I should file a Workers Comp claim"."Why" I ask, "would you have to do that?". "Well"....this is a TTC tournament, and I've injured myself"." "Buddy" I tell him, "This may be sponsored by them, but you aren't at work so there is no claim to be made."

Oy! They are everywhere, these inadequate people, and they are breeding! I fear for my life....