Post-op Blues

After a year and a half of whining, I finally had my left shoulder repaired. An easy proceedure, I predicted, with a short, non-eventful recovery. This would be mine to enjoy...or so I hoped.

However, in the first few days I discovered that my left arm was far more important to my health and well being then I had imagined. For instance:

Hair washing: a thing of the past. With a useless left arm and instructions not to get wet, I had to resort to having my poor husband, Dale, wash my hair in the kitchen sink. An easy task, you would think, but in reality similar to bathing a dog in the tub. Bubbles and water everywhere, howling on my part as it wasn't being done to my exacting standards, and the worst part, the inability to dry my hair. After multiple attempts to teach my husband how to make a ponytail, we resolved the situation easily...I cut my hair.

This of course, led to problem number 2...

Hair drying: impossible sums it up. So, in an attempt to maintain my dignity, I engaged in an experiment involving mousse and gel. The result? Phil Spector.

Problem number 3? Its a little thing, but an important thing...

Shoe Laces: I resolved this problem by wearing my ever-ready pair of Crocks. However, then I was invited out by my friend Lisa. A little road trip to Trenton, a day out of the house. How exciting! Until I decided to put on proper shoes. I slipped on my runners, pre-tied, and went on my merry way. Until the shoes undid themselves. Hmm...how do I fix this? Swallowing my pride, I had to ask my friend to tie my shoes. A simple thing, but humiliating none the less. Lisa was gracious as always, but I'm certain I heard a snort in there somewhere.

Eating/drinking: I could not open tins, cans, bottles, bags. I could not put plates of food in the microwave, or take them out. I was useless! I learned not to open bottles while propping the bottle between my legs because I ended out wearing the contents. I learned not to cut open bags of veggies while holding the bag in my teeth as the scissors are damn sharp. I learned that chicken, beef and pork need to be cut up by someone else if you intend on eating as opposed to tearing it up with your teeth. I have now lost 10 pounds.

Sleeping: an easy situation to manage. Step one: secure the Velpo sling. Step two: take Percocet. Step three: insert snoring sound here